I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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