She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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