her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
