Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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