hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
