I'm jealous of your bromance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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