Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Vodka?
Forever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
