Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
