i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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