Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
