I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize