I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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