she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
