why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize