Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
