I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
