I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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