I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
