Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
