I didn't shave. On purpose
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
