i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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