so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
