i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
