Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
