Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
