drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
