you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
