Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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