Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize