At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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