I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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