Dual....:-)
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
