Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
