In the future we'll all be gay
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A+ Viking dick
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