I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
