i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
