girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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