i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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