He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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