Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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