Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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