went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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