You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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