And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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