New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize