The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
