I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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