THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your penis caused this!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
