you guys were way drunker than both of me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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