Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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