she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
