I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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