I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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