I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can feel your judgement through the phone
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
