Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
