I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
