I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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