Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize