Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
