DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
