I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize