i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They took my balls.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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