i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
