dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
