Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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