Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Randomize
